Living in the affirmative

When your boundaries are intact in a relationship you:

1. Have clear preferences and act upon them
2. Recognize when you are happy/unhappy
3. Acknowledge moods and circumstances around you while remaining centered (live actively)
4. Do more when that gets results
5. Trust your own intuition while being open to  other’s opinions
6. Live optimistically while co-working on change
7. Are only satisfied if you are thriving
8. Are encouraged by sincere ongoing change for the better
9. Have excited interest in self-enhancing hobbies and projects
10. Have a personal standard, albeit flexible, that applies to everyone and asks for accountability
11. Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate
12. Relate only to partners with whom mutual love is possible
13. Are so strongly affected by your partner’s behavior and take it as information
14. Integrate sex so that you can enjoy it but never at the cost of your integrity
15. See your partner as stimulating your excitement
16. Let yourself feel anger, say “ouch” and embark upon a program of change
17. Act out of agreement and negotiation
18. Only do favors you choose to do (you can say no)
19. Honor intuitions and distinguish them from wishes
20. Insist others’ boundaries to be as safe as your own
21. Mostly feel secure and clear
22. Are always aware of choices
23. Are living a life that mostly approximates what you always wanted for yourself
24. Decide how, to what extent, and how long you will be committed
25. Protect your private matters without having to lie  or be surreptitious

I posted not merely for the reader but also for myself as a reference. Everyone needs reminders.

this is me, folks!

Characteristics Psychologist Dr. David Weeks mentions people with a mental illness "suffer" from their behavior while eccentrics are quite happy.  He even states eccentrics are less prone to mental illness than everyone else.
According to studies, there are eighteen distinctive characteristics that differentiate a healthy eccentric person from a regular person or someone who has a mental illness (although some may not always apply). The first five are in most people regarded as eccentric:

Nonconforming attitude
Idealistic
Intense curiosity
Happy obsession with a hobby or hobbies
Knew very early in his or her childhood they were different from others
Highly intelligent
Opinionated and outspoken
Unusual living or eating habits
Not interested in the opinions or company of others
Mischievous sense of humor
Usually the eldest, or an only child

Quincy Jones - Velas (1981)

45 Suggestions to an Abundant Life from Regina Brett

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17.. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

These suggestions come from the spirit of Regina Brett.

Some Things to Think About! About Books, Of Course!

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.~ Charles W. Eliot

This Will Keep Me Inspired for Years to Come

"We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't f*** them."



-John Waters

Tales from the Town of Widows by James Cañón

Tales from the Town of Widows stands as a debut novel from James Cañón of Colombia. Mariquita, a mountain village, loses all of their men due to the forced enlisting to war. ( In real life, Colombia has had an ongoing battle between the guerillas and the government for decades.) The women, adamant about survival, unite after much tumult. Cañón has styled a ferocious imagining of what would occur in a community without men. If you are a person with a narrow perception of sexuality and gendcr, then this is not the story for you.

Frelon Brun~ Miles Davis

Mute the playlist at the bottom of the page first, then press play on Frelon Brun.

May you fully appreciate this jewel.

Wave by João Gilberto

Maze Featuring Frankie Beverly - Can't Get Over You

Just thought you would enjoy.
Commence!!

O Gran Caetano

O Gran Caetano

Caetano Veloso, a reigning master from Brazil, gave utter delight to all in attendance at the Greek Theatre in Los Feliz. April 15th, 2010 at 7:30 p.m. was the indicator for arrival. The Greek Theatre, which is sculpted like the amphitheatres of ancient Greece, requires that performances end no later than eleven p.m. ( All are made very aware of the undeterred early bird service.) Caetano delivered nearly all his repertoire in Portuguese. It is stated as nearly because he did a cover of Billie Jean and Eleanor Rigby (in English) that equaled the originals. He performed largely from his recent album, Zii e Zie (informal Italian for aunt and uncle). The beauties included A Base de Guantánamo
(Guanatanamo Base), Falso Leblon ( False Leblon), Tarado Ni Você ( Horny for You) and for the encore, O Leaozinho (The Young Lion), which was a definite crowd-pleaser.
His stage presence presented a fascinating juxtaposition: calm yet exciting and regal yet earthy. A gentleman of 67, he owned an almost feminine delicacy to his clear yet sonorous tenor. The author owns four of Caetano’s albums and his live performances rival the beauty of his recordings. Viva Caetano!

25 Things

(1) I am a dreamer.

(2) Not legally insane but a bit touched in the head.

(3) Many people claim this, but my intelligence is my strongest trait.

(4) I have never been kissed. (But I did kiss a boy on the cheek over a minute when I was 9 years old in my auntie's car in the front yard.)

(5) In terms of the heart, I am an equal opportunity woman. ( I won't sleep with the men of friends and family but anyone who isn't: OPEN SEASON!)

(6) I am a lady of letters. ( in other words, a writer.)

(7) My childhood dream was to be an actress.

(8) I desire lovers of every race and some creeds.

(9) I am an only child.

(10) I want to live in Brazil.

(11) I am anal retentive, which is the medical way of saying, " This b**** makes me sick!"

(12) I abhor bad spelling.

(13) I read the dictionary. ( I still find new words.)

(14) I don't find my strength in my vulnerability. My strength is rooted in resilience, tenacity and perseverance.

(15) I want to visit every continent.

(16) I want to be fluent in these languages: Spanish, Italian, Brazilian Portuguese and French.

(17) Marriage nor children have a place in my desires.

(18) I have read over 500 books in my life. ( just reading my life away, I know.)

(19) I have a clear idea of who I am and who I want to be.

(20) Duality is a facet of my life.

(21) I love and am fascinated by men, no matter what anyone says about them.

(22) The above statement does not apply to women, though. Even the real ones!

(23) I look for inner beauty in people.

(24) Nature amazes me. From sunny days to hurricanes, I want to see it.

(25) I love and like myself.

That is the end of what I am telling you but it is definitely not the end of me!

Strong Life test results and commentary

Your Lead Role:Creator

You begin by asking:'What do I understand?'

You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding.
Your best quality:Your ability to find patterns invisible to others
Always:Find time to be by yourself
Be careful you:Don’t think so long, you never do anything
Your smartest career move:Any job where you’re paid to produce new content.

Your Supporting Role :Weaver

You begin by asking:'Who can I connect?'

You see the world as a web of relationships, and you are always excited by the prospect of connecting two new people within your web.
Your best quality:Your genuine curiosity
Always:Trust in your web of relationships
Be careful you:Don’t push people together who shouldn’t be
Your smartest career move:Any job where you’re paid to speed up the connection between people.

How did I fall upon this? I was reading a blog called Black Women in Europe, which is a fine blog, just 15 minutes ago. I felt it was necessary for me to read this because I am designing the blueprint for my lifestyle. Anything that can help me unveil my strengths is welcome. After all, the title was "What the Strongest and Happiest Women do Differently". I interpreted that as how to maintain an abundant lifestyle while being resilient and joyous. To me, that sounds like a benediction. Alleluia!

According to Your Standard

Just a few minutes ago, I decided to Google sexually liberated women. The writer of another blog referenced a British poll that stated that 90% of British women think that 'women have one-night stands are desperate, mannish and even more severe, immoral.' ( I use this statistic because an American one was momentarily unreachable.) I can understand desperate but immoral? Let's not play God, people.I believe that an individual's lifestyle can be only evaluated according to their standards. That was my first disturbance. What I found the saddest is that there is a low visibility of publications that celebrate sexual liberation of women.(Unless you consider Cosmopolitan or Glamour to be viable sources.) Is there no deliverance? It is truly a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. For me, I believe that I have enough attractiveness to stay away from unworthy men and enough sense to decipher between a worthwhile man and a cheap bastard. I also feel that behaving in a masculine fashion can get a woman in a difficult place to get out from. In no period of my life so far have I ever felt the desire to be a member of the opposite sex. Sure, I occasionally resent the freedoms men seem to preserve as birthrights but do I want to be a man. NO!! I love men immensely but it would be grotesque for me to act like one.

Ladies and gentlemen, what are your thoughts in these matters?

Thieves at the Post Office!!!

Every day ( almost) comes a new and temporary frustration.

Last night, as I was checking my mail, I discovered an unpleasant message from the postmaster. It said, " The parcel you have sent to the intended recipient has now been lost."

WHAT?!

I read further. ( with shocked and dismayed expression)

It continued, " We have listed the address of the recipient so that we may quicker locate the contents of your lost parcel."

To add insult to injury, someone at the post office saw fit to rip off the top cover of the envelope with both of our addresses written on it and put that ripped-off cover in the envelope to send it to me!!!! Unbelievable !!!

I already know what happened. Some way or another, the package got ripped, whether involuntarily or voluntarily. Someone opened the ripped parcel and took the contents which were fascinating paperback novels. Have you noticed the Post Office largely has women working in the indoors office?

This is a disgrace!

I am finished.

Thank you for reading.

OurSpace.biz

MySpace Codes for Images at OurSpace.biz

Purpose of Art

"The purpose of art is to illuminate us to possibilities not previously considered."~ Khalia

Making love. Painting. Writing. These actions are practiced by nearly all humans at some point of life. However, very few can do any of them superbly. The halves of the great majority either fail or don't attempt. Ask yourself, " Where do I fall?"

Forget Yourself. Remember Love

This journal is a collage of my mind, spirit and imagination. As currently a college student, I am on the path of self-discovery and knowledge. May wisdom and clarity be granted from it.

A Year of Fruitfulness

Henry Miller, a writer ( and one of the few sages of the literary world) who channeled Tropic of Cancer, wrote sometime in his wildly glorious life, "Develop interest in life as you see it; people, things, literature, music-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich pleasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."

Book determined*: The Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller stands as an epochal work for erotic literature. From what I have gathered from the reviews, many writers owe a debt to this maestro of candor.

* this means I have yet to savor the piece.

News Delight!

On Thursday, April 15th, I will be in the audience of the great Caetano Veloso of Brasil at the Greek Theatre in Los Feliz. I absolutely love that venue except one trait : they make you leave early. A concert at the Greek doesn't last past ten or eleven o'clock p.m. The whole place could get damned if someone rebelled and stayed on till twelve. So, if you want to be assured of an early bird service, you go to the Greek. For Caetano, I will!

What Came Out of the Cocoon

Listening to Setembro by Quincy Jones

I absolutely love Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish. Truly one of those novels where you feel blessed for reading it. I am not providing any spoilers but the ending was completely satisfying. Meg Fratano blossomed into womanhood. She already experienced the responsibilities of adulthood: marriage, kids and a house note. But after witnessing her husband's infidelity in their bed, she was stimulated for a change. Even more, she abandons the staid suburbia life for a vibrant stamp in Chicago and on the Yucatan Peninsula.

update April 2, 2010: This novel was fantastic! I urge all women to read it and be blessed!

The Edge of Heaven

Listening to Lady in Satin by Billie Holiday

The Edge of Heaven is a film I purchased today from Amoeba Records on Sunset and Ivar. Directed by Fatih Akin, it interweaves six people who are connected by spirit and love. (It is delivered in German, Turkish and English.) If you like foreign cinema, then this is a fascinating jewel.I won't spoil it any further. Watch it.

A word to the wise

Books invite all, they constrain none.

Today as I waded in the bath, enjoying solitude and the sonorous raindrops, I decided to get some reading done. After all, I will be resuming my studies in another month. So, I may well prepare my brain for the tasks of cognition. The literature selected? Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish. 327 pages of (I have devoured 62) a woman’s journey from misery into enlightenment. What provokes it? She decides to witness her husband making love to another woman in her bed after coming home unexpectedly. She does not watch out of merely voyeurism. She, in her words, is curious. Curious of what, I do not know. Curious of the passion that no longer consumes her equates as my guess. All fiction roots from fact. Even if the author did not experience this, she is telling the story of someone who has lived it. Isabel Allende recounted that after she wrote Of Love and Shadows, a man approached her and shared the identical details of his life to the story. I am nowhere near finished with the book but I hope that I will be as satisfied with the ending as I am with the beginning.

Dreamer or Master ?

The imagination is the source for all action. I must visualize anything before I

actually accomplish it. When does a dreamer become a master? I participate on a particular site which I will not name. Upon joining the site, an individual has the option to take one of the staff tests. In spite of no dating experience, I decided I would take a quiz just for fun. I selected one which analyzed your psyche towards dating . None of the questions were outlandish, just the names accorded to the result.( It tested several aspects of personality.) My score : the Priss. Allow me to share the details:

Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You’re highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You’d take brutal honesty over superficiality any time—your friends always know where they stand with you. You’re completely unfake. Don’t tell me that’s not a word. You’re also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you’re pregnant. LOL. Though you’re inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it’s not as one of mass destruction. You’re choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you’re really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Now, much of this result does contain truth considering that it was only one time test. I will not retake it just to get a more erotic answer. Some of the results for experienced women were called: Genghis Khunt, the Stiletto, the Peach or another favorite, the Battleaxe ! ( I am not making this up.)

But I guess my real concern is: Will the woman that I so clearly see in my mind ever materialize?

My answer : she's coming but in her due time.

Two Decades and a Score

INVICTUS

by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the
scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

This poem, Invictus, is the poem that helped Nelson Mandela to persevere during his tribulation in prison. For those of you who don't know, Nelson Mandela survived for two decades and a score on Robben Island.

Faraway Lands

Brasil.
Zanzibar.
Japan.
Fiji.

These are countries who fascinate me by name alone. Faraway lands, whose soil I have not yet touched. What enters my mind when I see these countries on paper:

Brasil- vast. All things can be positive or negative can be found in this nation.

Zanzibar- color and harmony. I don't think I have ever seen this country on the news but it deserves mention for its intense beauty.

Japan- serenity. One of the world's nucleuses for Buddhism, I envision Mt. Fuji with the peak shrouded in mist. Did you know it is a dormant volcano?

Fiji: blue. I thought it was next door to Australia but apparently I stand corrected because of research. It is an archipelago of 322 islands in the South Pacific.