Make your life splendid

 

Commit to living in love, joy, and peace and this will be the outcome!!!!

Fun facts, easy questions

~ I'm growing in my fondness for dark chocolate yet I think I'll always a soft spot for milk chocolate.

~Unless she changed, Tracey Emin hates chocolate.

~Milk chocolate with almonds...too exquisite.

~Chocolate with fruit...no, thank you.

~I want Julie Doucet to resume frequent publishing. I'm currently reading Time Zone J .

~ I yearn for a pain au chocolat.

~I yearn for madeleines fresh from the oven with a cold glass of milk.

~Anyone recently read a book (in hardcover or softcover format) that marked them?

Sensuous beauty: Sophia Loren

 

reading quotes

 “Read absolutely everything you get your hands on because you never know where you’ll get an idea from.” ~ Malcolm X

"Reading is essential to those who seek to rise above the ordinary." ~Jim Rohn

"If a book is well-written, I always find it too short." ~Jane Austen

"...it is impossible to read too much..."~letter from Virginia Woolf to John Lehman, 1931

"A dirty book is rarely dusty."~author unknown

Fala Português!

 "Samba do Soho" by Antonio Carlos Jobim serenades the soul in the original Portuguese. The English version sounds glacial and uninspired. 

Enjoy this wonder!!

My literary debut

 My literary debut, The Canary Journal: a novel, was published in January 2022 on Amazon. It is available in 3 formats: hardcover, softcover, and Kindle. 

link to my Amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/Canary-Journal-novel-Karah-Khalia/dp/B09PYZL8D4

link to my Goodreads page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/22205956.Karah_Khalia

Book recommendation for lovers of graphic memoirs!!!

(borrowed from the public library)

I wish Aline Kominsky-Crumb had been prolific!!! Hopefully, Robert Crumb will publish another memoir about their marriage. I'd read and buy it. From her interviews, she had insecurities about her gifts. In the technical sense, she was not brilliant at drawing yet her narrative holds my attention. Plus, I can see that she was a stylish, sexual woman from her drawings. Ms. Aline passed away on Tuesday, November 29, 2022. Blessed journey, Ms.Aline!!!

These last two books reside in my home library:

Belated thanks to Governor Gavin Newsom

 I am grateful to California lawmakers for AB 1078. 

May this law remain in effect PERMANENTLY. 

California is a freedom-to-read state. YESSSSSS!!!!

Here's the press release from Sacramento detailing the law: https://www.gov.ca.gov/2023/09/25/california-bans-book-bans-and-textbook-censorship-in-schools/#:~:text=WHAT%20YOU%20NEED%20TO%20KNOW,in%20the%20state's%2010%2C000%2B%20schools.

Listen to Their Voices: 20 Interviews with Women Who Write by Mickey Pearlman

 

I would have loved a longer interview with Connie Rose Porter. But then again, I would love a broader audience for this woman. Connie Rose Porter wrote the Addy series for American Girl. I followed up to read Imani All Mine. Now I must read All Bright Court. And the rest of the Addy books.

Kudos to each writer!!!

rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I don't support book bans!!!! A note to Governor Gavin Newsom of California

 I am an ardent reader!!!! It would devastate me to suffer a severe lack of reading material. Many of your constituents, regardless of economic status, love to engage with the public library. The public library provides refuge. Book bans defy life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Book bans defy life because many individuals find the resources to enhance the standard and quality of life. Book bans defy liberty because no one should be barred from reading books based on someone else's personal preference. Book bans defy the pursuit of happiness because books provide a source of lasting love, joy, and peace. Those three qualities often connect to happiness. 

I support enduring freedom of thought!!!! No book bans anywhere!!!!

It Won't Always Be Like This: a graphic memoir by Malaka Gharib

I encourage people who feel overwhelmed by current unpleasantries to read this book. Bonus encouragement if you dwell among multiple cultures. Malaka Gharib navigated choppy waters through her summers in Cairo. If she did not endure sexual assault, I am grateful because I saw segments in this narrative where sexual assault could have happened. Vulnerability and strength duly combined!!!

rating: 5 out of 5 stars 

Excellent sex advice from Reddit~part 3

 

twilightprincess:

Dont have sex with someone you cant laugh with while doing it

JennFoogle:

My parents never wanted to talk about sex but I remember they always told me to do it with someone I love because you’ll notice the difference between someone who loves you and someone who doesn’t. There is a big difference not because they don’t wanna do aftercare or whatever it’s because when it’s with someone you love it feels more special and more emotional but when it’s with someone who just wants you for your body it feels like a void to me. There’s no emotion and there’s nothing special. Kinda feels like you’re doing a business deal like “Ok I’ll give you the attention so give me your body.”

NigerianJesusboi:

"do an sti test before you have sex please"

Most straightforward advice ever, and tbh it is important.

lxthrowaway:

It wasn't my parents but the best advice I've received is to always be conscious of the other person. Just because they're saying or doing something doesn't mean that you should just agree.

I was about 16 and working, providing the lighting and sound equipment for a friends party. One of the girls from my class was very drunk and wanted to fool around and blow me. Now I don't drink and I know that if she wasn't drinking we wouldn't be talking about blowjobs or me touching her boobs. I was a virgin at the time and while I could have easily agreed to do that with her it wasn't the right thing to do. I knew she would regret it and it would be awkward in the weeks after so I talked her out of it. Years later she thanked me for that.

Now days we are more aware of proactive consent and when you can/can't give consent but back then it wasn't as common to talk about. Generally speaking as long as you were both actively participating and not saying no or stop that was about all we were thinking about.

Excellent sex advice from Reddit~ part 2

lolopolo404:

Don't use vaseline as a lubricant! Fucks up the condoms

Mordanzibel:

Mostly it was bad advice but my dad told my sister something that stuck with me: a man will only give a woman as much respect as she demands.

This was right after my mom told her all men were scum who’d fuck a knothole in a tree and not to trust anything they say.

moonshinetemp093:

They never gave me sex advice, so let me, a real dad, give those who's parents also didn't give them advice, give you advice!

Enjoyment should always go both ways. You'll have a much better experience if you pay attention to them in the ways they enjoy.

Reciprocation is needed. You want them to go down on you? Go down on them. If there's something you want to happen, make sure there is an equitable activity on the table for them to receive for doing it.

Always appreciate the fact that you are having sex. As long as it's consensual, appreciate any naked activity.

Sex. Is. Gross. Get over it. The sounds, the smells, the tastes, the feelings, the sights, all of it can be kinda gross and unappealing. Love it anyway. Sex is amazing, and it only makes sense that sometimes something uncomfortable will happen. Skin cleans, feelings don't.

UNDERSTAND THE BOUNDARIES. Everybody has something they love, and everybody has something they hate. Mistakes are only made once. Anything more is fucked up and wrong. Once you find those boundaries, respect them and never try to cross again.

Bn_scarpia:

You don't need an erection to be good at/have great sex.

Upper 60s father to early 40s me.

And he's right. While penetrative sex can be amazing, it's limiting to think that good sex has to require your dick in something. Sexual massage. Giving oral. Power play. Cuddling. Sharing erotic stories. Etc.

Sex is wondrous, many splendor-ed thing... And imagination is what gives you the spice of life.

KillerJupe:

A relationship doesn’t have to look like a hallmark movie. You can date multiple people, get married or not, have whatever kind of sex that makes you happy, and don’t let social norms define your happiness.

nome_king:

My grandmother: never sleep with someone with more problems than you

FLAVOREDmayonaise:

My dad told me at 12/13 that no guys like a girl who just lays there and thinks shes too hot to do any work. Was not good advice but it definitely stuck with me as a young girl

RunaWolfsdottier:

The best thing was really my father who told me: we men are simple. And we can not read your thoughts. Know your body and what you like and tell it you partner. Whatever it is.

That was way better than that bullshit my mother did/told me.

ChaosReigns92:

Don't get certain piercings if you want your partner to have good teeth for a long time

G4rg0yle_Art1st:

Put your partner's needs before your own. If you don't know how to make them feel good, ask. They know their body better than you do and they will definitely teach you how to make the most of the experience.

Don't go into sex thinking you know everything about it and power your way through, go into it willing to learn so you both have the best time possible.

Rescue-320:

“Foreplay starts at breakfast.” My parents told me this when I got to early twenties and was getting ready to marry my now husband. They said that neither of us should go through the day ignoring the other, being grumpy and rude, dumping chores on one person or the other, etc. and then expect to get any loving that evening.

Apparently my dad learned the hard way that if he was always unhelpful with chores, constantly handing us kids off to mom all the time, and spending the day being generally lazy, it was not going to be his lucky night 😂

rayfans:

If you’re switching holes, wipe.

superbrain324:

When showering before and after Scrub your lovely nuts

MomoMurs:

that men SHOULD provide condoms but it's best to have some too just in case

Commercial_Artist5812:

Three way relationships never work jealousy between partners is inevitable

Angeluxaf:

My mother was always very open about sex-related topics with me and my siblings from a young age and I think the best advice she gave me was to get to know my own body before I get to know someone else’s.

surfermom82:

Didn't have the talk, but i actually enjoyed learning and figuring it out for myself. With my kids, I'm open book and thankfully they come to me about it all. I think with my son it's easier and the reassuring that he cares about the female and what he can do to make sure she feels safe and satisfied. With my 15 year old daughter, she isn't there yet and I have told her that when she is, it'll be more important for all her questions/concerns to be addressed. I think it's important for a woman to know what she likes and doesn't like that way she can communicate to her partner. I'm the mom that all the kids come to when they have questions about it all, I'm also the mom that will take them to the XXX Store for things they should use to explore. No one should feel overwhelmed or not comfortable being able to talk or ask questions. These days especially.

MCarisma:

Don’t wait to get married. You never know how sexually compatible you will be otherwise. Do it before it is too late and you are either stuck with the person or need a divorce.

New-Resolution136:

“No matter how careful you are and what precautions you take; there is ALWAYS a chance sex will end in a pregnancy. And you need to be ready to deal with the consequences of that… that’s what should tell you that you’re ready to have sex.”

CertainStylus:

Best advice I have received is that the best type of sex is supposed to be fun.

seudonym:

Shower when you're done

irqee:

Not my parents, but they refused to give me the talk because they didn’t want me having sex before marriage. One day my uncle, who I looked up to a lot, sat me down and explained how very important consent is. He went into detail about mistakes he had made in the past and he told me “you don’t just know, you can’t tell if somebody wants to have sex with you, it might be awkward, but just ask.” My last partner was so appreciative of our first time, she said she knew she wanted to but that when I verbally asked, she knew that I genuinely cared about her comfort.

He went on to tell me that I also need to consent, that I don’t owe anybody anything even a partner who you’ve previously had sex with. This changed my outlook a lot because I had sex on one occasion before he had told me this advice and as dumb as it sounds, I had sex with someone who I really didn’t want to but I felt I should because I knew people kind of expected us too. That partner broke up with me when I told them that I wanted them to be more cautious about my willingness.

bi_girl_Jane:

Explore, have fun, be safe. Don’t be ashamed of things that turn you on and feel free to ask any questions you need to.

Muted_Childhoods695:

My dad told me “Make sure to have sex with who ever I want to marry before saying I do. You have to be sure you’re compatible. You don’t want a lifetime of lousy sex.” My dad is a retired ordained minister. It was worthy advice.

sjehcu6:

Wear a condom, you dont want a bunch of kids with women you dont want to spend your life with.
Amazing advice. All my friends growing up have kids with diff women cause they dont like condoms.

Yankeedoodlecanada:

There’s no orgasm worth dying for

Remarkable-Hand-4395:

My ultra conservative US immigrant said women all have the same thing but some get diamonds and some get Taco Bell burritos.

She wasn't talking about payment for sex...it was more a conversation about standards.

RowdyRoddyPooper:

My Dad said, “RowdyRoddyPooper, just remember a stiff dick has no conscience”. That was our one and only birds and bees talk.

tytomasked:

If you can put your mouth on someone’s genitals you can use your mouth to communicate with them

MichianaMan:

Any girl you hook up with, imagine if she was the mother to your children. Really made me make sure I had protection

Fritzhijinks:

My father "when you go to sleep with a woman, stop and think that your child could share their DNA." I was 12. Later in life my mother explained the importance mitochondrial DNA plays in a child's intelligence.

rosecapone18:

Remain monogamous when ur in a serious relationship (that’s common Sense honestly 😂)

PeruviaN22:

When I was 19, I drove out to visit my grandma after not seeing her for a few years. We were talking for hours and she was asking me all sorts of questions about my life. She asked if I had a boyfriend and I told her I did but that we were sort of having problems and I didn't think we'd be together much longer. I truly do not know what prompted her to say this, but she immediately goes into this full blown lecture on how to find a man's g-spot because "the secret to keeping a man is playing with his prostate." Then she goes on to say that she had a massage table and a dildo somewhere in the living room (which we were sitting in) and that she uses them with her new husband and he loved it. I didn't know how to respond so I just said thanks for the tips!

I didn't take her advice for a few years but when I did..... she was right.

THEBUS1NESS:

When it comes to condoms and deodorant, those who need them most use them the least. Don’t be a fool wrap your tool.

smorkenborkenforken:

Never had the talk with my parents because they figured (correctly) that my older brother would fill me in on how things work. Still, my dad gave a great piece of advice about attraction and arousal: "the biggest sex organ you have is your brain."

dhil9696_:

Don't have sex with someone that you wouldn't want to interact with for at least 18 years

Aggressive-Scheme986:

Save yourself for your husband

I’m not religious. I didn’t save myself for my husband because of Jesus or something. I did it because I wanted to share something extraordinary with the man I would love and be with forever. I also wanted to avoid drama, heartache, STDs, and unwanted pregnancy. I respected my body by not being sexually actively with anyone except my husband and I respected his body by not having a “used” body that could possibly have disease. Not to mention the fact that you can’t get HPV from someone who is a virgin so I lowered my risk of cervical cancer as well. And our wedding night was so freaking special because it was both our first times.

enjoyt0day:

“If you go to back to a guy’s apartment, and you don’t see any books, don’t fuck him” 😂

WisteriaWillows:

My mother was a nurse on a urology unit. She told me that a healthy man will keep functioning for his entire life.

Also, when she was 75 and my father was 85 they were still active. That was five years ago.

She also told me to keep our bedroom clean and tidy with wash clothes in reach of the bed.

Grease_Witherspoon_:

My mom explained to me that sex comes with an emotional toll/tie that does affect you, so make sure it’s with someone you trust and only when you KNOW you want to. Made a huge difference for me as a teenager to remember it’s not just physical, at least not at that stage in life

Devdoozy:

I got advice saying- if you went to buffet and try to fill up stomach by eating everything that you saw you wont have space for best ones. Lols

gazingforth:

I have two bits of advice I never see anywhere else.

• Besides the obvious stuff, there are three things you should prepare before doing it:
• Hydration - Have plenty of water nearby. You're gonna get thirsty.
• Sanitation - Keep a roll of paper towels nearby. Trust me.

• Ventilation - Open a window, have a fan going. A little heat is fun, a lot of heat means sweat drips into your partner's eyes.

• No orgasm is ever worth it - Whether it's a temptation to cheat, sleeping with someone that is in any way part of a physically or emotionally toxic situation, or going back to your ex...do the smart thing. Take care of things yourself and get out of that mess.

Excellent sex advice from Reddit

am_i_right:

My mom was all about healthy sex talks—the best advice she ever gave me that didn’t have to do with general respect & consent was that both people should be giving it 110%. A happy sex life makes for a happy life together.

I didn’t get it at the time but as I’ve aged I’ve come to realize it’s the best rule to follow. The more aroused your partner is, the more aroused you’ll be, and the more aroused you are, the more aroused your partner will be. It’s like an infinity loop of pleasure with endless possibilities as long as both people are putting the same level of presence & passionate into it.

The moment either person gets tired, distracted, loses interest, gets lost in their head, or any other thing that causes someone to not be fully ‘there’ in the moment, it makes it much harder if not impossible to come together to create a great experience.

forgotten_epilogue:

That the sex will be better the more you love the person. Banging away at a stranger will never hold a candle to making love to someone you deeply trust and care about. 48 years later and the best sex I ever had was with someone who at the time I loved deeply and they deeply loved me. Sure, other people were more skilled at some things, and may have had more attractive attributes, but overall those things couldn't stack up against deep love and trust.

celestiallizard420:

My mom always told me that there’s no need to wait until marriage to have sex but emphasized that I should do it with someone I know well, love and trust completely. Unfortunately I lost my virginity in a stupid way and wish to god I had just held on a little longer so my first time would’ve been with my husband. Not because I wanted to wait until marriage or anything, but I wish I could’ve lost my virginity to someone that I actually loved & trusted. So I will definitely give the same advice to my kids and share my regrets. No need to wait until marriage but it is worth waiting until you find someone you genuinely have a trusting bond with.

junoastro:

“Don’t do adult things if you don’t have adult money.” Aka don’t have sex if you can’t afford to fix the consequences.

I 100% agree. As a teen i’ve seen girls my age get pregnant at a young age and raise a baby in poverty because they didn’t have the money to get help. I’ve chosen to stay a virgin until i’m making a good income to support myself and not have to rely on my parents for my stupid decisions.

blaw894:

If you can't see the other person as a spouse or good parent DON'T DO IT.

I learned the hard way.

BatteringRams90:

You have to be friends before you can be lovers.

orange_redhead:

My mom told me this among other wisdoms: "if someone doesn't have books in their house, don't have sex with them."

Still live by this rule

Gymfrog007:

Never have sex with someone you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life with.

cadypants:

My mom told me to never trust a man that will insist on getting head, but will refuse or complain about returning the favor. (Yes. They exist.)

Wise woman. I've dumped or stopped seeing a couple boys in the past for this exact reason, and they all turned out to be weird, stalkers, or just straight up assholes lol thanks ma 😂

m4maggie:

From my dad: Men will tell you anything you want to hear to get your goods. Be careful who you give yourself to, because you deserve to be loved, not fucked and used.

little_miss_argonaut:

If you and that person cannot have an adult conversation about sex and boundaries then you shouldn't have sex with them.

Foundmyreasons:

My mom told me at 14 “look at her toe and fingernails if they are clean it’s probably ok but if you can’t see her toes look in her ears and she is clean there she probably takes care of herself and isn’t stinky down there.”

As bad as our relationship was it’s always been solid advice lol.

FitsOut_Mostly:

At 18 from my mom: “If you don’t enjoy sex, you’re with the wrong person”. Since I’m not asexual, I have found it to be helpful

Alko-:

Never go ass to mouth

MoonlightTalks:

My mom : "Don't ever have sex (without protection) unless you're ready to be a mom. I waited to have you until I was 30 because I didn't want to resent you for taking away my youth. You will be the best mom you can only when you're ready for that commitment."

Wiser words have rarely been spoken to me, and as a 23 year old woman I can say that I'll tell my young cousins, and my children that same thing.

Dosed123:

I am a girl and my dad told me once, when I was in my twenties: "If your bedtime isn't an awesome experience at least most of the time, run." I am forever grateful for that one.

FunctionBuilt:

Back in 2003 When I was 15, my aunt who was very forward about talking about sex with her kids asked me if I thought oral sex counted as sex. I was pretty mortified and didn’t know how to answer. She then said it most certainly is and if a girl says no, it means no and that’s the end of it. She then pressed that oral sex isn’t any less serious than sex when it comes to consent. Despite the crippling embarrassment of talking about that with my family, it got through to me and gave me an appreciation for needing consent well before it was ever in the forefront of popular culture. 20 years later I still remember that conversation pretty vividly.

Bobbybelliv:

If you decide to fuck around and you do get a girl pregnant, You will be caring for her and the child for the rest of your life. If you don’t, that will be YOUR legacy. Don’t be an asshole and be a good human.

M8NSMAN:

If you can’t afford supporting a child you better keep your pants zipped.

BloodBrothers57:

When i was like 15 or 16, my mom jokingly asked if she needed to buy condoms for me, and then backtracked and said, “No, if you can’t even have the courage to buy condoms yourself then you shouldn’t be having sex.”

That really stuck with me because I was definitely too embarrassed to buy condoms at that time and realized that I likely wasn’t mature enough for sex either.

zigwaldo:

Don’t sleep with anyone that has more problems than you do.

IdiotFigs:

My mum told me after having sex always pee so you can flush everything out and avoid a uti

EndlessEndeavoring:

Not my parents but an older wiser man once told me something along the lines of always eating her first and often.

In my experience:

1. Guys aren't eating enough at all

2. Don't do this if you're only looking for a one night stand. Those always turned into repeat encounters and more often than not relationships.

3. Giving her an orgasm first results in a lot more fun time USUALLY.